Career couselling 21/1/16

I ever enter a counselling before, this would be my first time formally enter to counselling centre even though is career counselling centre.
I'm not very excited about it, but after the counselling session it really helped me a lot.. not only in career also in others.
This counselling had reminded me back, the pain in my heart
I know that pain is still inside my soul, sometimes I just ignore it, I have forgotten, slowly become one part of my body.
I think it is ok, I think I have overcame, but actually not.
the pain is still keep growing without I noticing it
I don't know when I had develop such kind of minded that is
comparing with other people.
Is very hard for me to delete this mind set in my mind .
I  desperately feel that
*I'm not good *I did  not try my best* I am Stupid* Why I'm here* I have no talent*
no matter how many "A", what subjects did I got in SPM or PMR (3A and 4A) very bad, rite?
other people were surprised that I got "A" in my English, I didn't feel surprised or what ...feel nothing
I'm not satisfied with it, I still will think that "Am I not hardworking enough?"

Write for FUN..XD

Kajang one day trip

Thx Alycia and ur bf Derek XD
It was a awesome day for me.
I never think that i still can meet such a good friend as my secondary friends' , i think is more than them...
haiz.. dk how to write...

Haiz...

People are such a weird human begin, life as well.
Nothing is wonderful, there are always two sides of coin, nothing is exactly right or wrong
Why God wanna test us? wanna make us so confusing in our future?
 Everything is unknow we need to discover by ourself to find the answer in our heart, but there is a day we will feel exhausted, feel very insecure, feel loneliness, useless, and more.
I really hope that i were a wonderful person, no mistake, no weakness, be the storngest person in my little small world.
Now, I'm lost I don't know where I'm now.
Maybe, i will answer myself as I'm still studying/ Im still learning/ i need educate
I don't know what i wanna be in future, feel pissed off with myself
I'm  not like other they full of ambitious, passion to reach their goals
I'm  not like other they smart at study, curriculums....
Feel so hopeless now.
Why I'm not as other people, I have no talent....just an ordinary girl
WHY...
Damn it! Fk it off!
I'm not good at writing, even speaking as well
How?

I had failed 2 subject, which are ENG and CTS
I really thought of jumped off from building, everything will go disappear.
Im piece of SHIT! i more worsen then my brother, sister
Although my dad know that I'm not clever as other, I really appreciate it you still willing give me education , give whatever what i want, has a wonderful and awesome sweet family..
Maybe you didn't say negative thing to me, but i still can feel it , your body language, ur voice tune, gesture, the words you say , and more ..


I know that kind of feeling, that's why I'm always trying to keep myself happy and spread the hapiness to all around the people who with me.
That feeling is bitter